


On Snake Jackals

by Muffie



Series: Jack O'Neill Has a Seer Problem [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crossover, Cussing, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-02 03:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muffie/pseuds/Muffie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While brooding over what to do about Anubis's impending attack and staring at the stars on his rooftop, Jack gets a nutty, nocturnal visitor. [First Posted: June 8, 2009]</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Snake Jackals

**Author's Note:**

> Occurs prior to Season 7's Lost City, SGC-time and Season 4's The Initiative, Buffy-time. Spoilers for Lost City. Itty bitty spoilers for The Initiative.

Jack gently twisted the focuser on the eyepiece of the telescope and brought Saturn into sharper focus. Too bad he couldn't see all the way through the galaxy to find that bastard Anubis's ha'tak. He took a deep breath, then let it go. He peered into the telescope and looked at Saturn. It was blurry, not quite like passing it in a F-302.

"Ring 'round the rosie." 

His head jerked up and his hand went for the pistol on his hip.

"Pockets full of posies. Ashes, ashes, when we fall down." It was a clear voice, female, older in timber yet young in tone. She was singing slowly. Odd.

He stood, then glided toward the ladder, weapon ready for use. He looked over the edge, but saw nothing.

"It doesn't look like a star at all," she said. "It looks like a gum drop."

Jack twisted, weapon pointed at the telescope. A woman was looking into it. She was alone, he noted in a single glance. "Who are you? How'd you get here?"

She pawed at the air around her face, as if she could reach through the scope and touch Saturn. "I'm a princess. The gum drop says that the jackal that's not the jackal has passed by without stopping for tea. The snake jackal is rude. I don't like it."

Jack's weapon wavered for a moment, but didn't move. That sounded like a goa'uld named Anubis. What in the hell? "Snake jackal?" 

"The real jackal is going to be cross. He put back my insides after Daddy sucked them all out." She ran her fingers along the scope, prodding it. "Except for that nasty spark. The real jackal won't kill the snake jackal. He still sleeps instead with the ostrich in the well."

"Anubis? You're talking about Anubis, right?"

She looked up, all dark eyes and pale skin, in a dress straight out of a museum. "He's got eyes like the gum drop, the one that opened the pool of water to the stars. He dies and dies and dies but never lets the real jackal touch. Only the snake cow." She tilted her head, looked at Jack's navel, and pointed. "The snake cow touched you. There."

Snake cow? Hathor? Whatever she was talking about, this nut job on his roof was a security breach. Jack pulled his cell phone out, flipped it open, and pressed the speed dial for the Mountain.

She hissed, her faced shifting into something demonic and almost goa'uld-like. Ridges formed over her brows, her teeth turned into a dentist's worst nightmare of the fanged variety, and her eyes glowed yellow. She slapped the phone out of his hand and it flew into the yard below before he'd even realized she'd moved.

"Boxes cannot talk like people. They have no insides like people insides."

He pressed the gun to her forehead. She didn't seem to notice. He seriously thought about pulling the trigger, but.... "Who in the fuck are you, lady?"

"The stars say I must speak to you but you're a naughty one to talk to boxes with no insides to taste." She waggled a finger at him. "Naughty boy."

Jack frowned. "It's a phone. It doesn't talk. People use 'em to talk to each other."

"You will stop the snake jackal for a bit with your icicle torch. You and the one that dies and dies and dies with the gum drop eyes. But you cannot kill it. Can't stop it forever. It's like the glowy star girl that's friend to the one that dies and dies—"

She was driving him nuts. He clenched his teeth. "Daniel. His name is Daniel."

She snarled, sounding a lot like a tiger in a zoo. "—and dies with the gum drop eyes."

Jack felt like beating his head against a wall. "Look, looney tunes, this would go a little bit faster if you'd just call things by their names. Snake jackal is Anubis. Gum drop eye boy is Daniel. I don't know about snake cow, but that's probably Hathor."

"The real jackal will be so very cross and we'll all be ashes."

"The real jackal?"

"Me and Spike and Daddy and us all. The real jackal will stick a rod up our nose and mash up our brains and give us all over to the ram when he's turned us all to dust. So you must make the snake jackal go. It's not to return."

"I'd love to. Trust me." Jack said. "Any suggestions on how?"

"Ask the glowy star girl that's friend to the one that dies—"

"Daniel's friend, yeah." Jack waggled the gun in a get-on-with-it manner, hoping she'd get on with it.

"—and dies and dies with the gum drop eyes. She was a very naughty girl. Miss Edith thinks she doesn't deserve to join us for tea."

This was getting him no where fast, except into an extreme desire to strangle Miss Burger Shy of a Happy Meal. Time to step it up and get the security breach secured. "I'm sure she doesn't, getting all whatever with the bad snake. How about we get off this roof? Ever been in a truck? I'll take you for a little ride and you can tell me all about jackals and glowy star girls, okay?"

She started swaying from side to side. "Mmm. It could be ever so tasty. But I'm not to go. The real jackal would be cross with me. Gnaw on my bones, lick my stones, cut out my spleen to see if it's green."

He pushed the barrel of the gun to her cheekbone, angling the trajectory to take out her brain along with the back of her skull. "It's not a request."

"I'm not to bite, not to play, the stars took all my fun away." She blinked at him solemnly. "The moldy army men with Initiative take us to their lair and put nasty evil thoughts in us with pain that's sweet as treacles. Mustn't go with moldy army men."

"I'm Air Force, lady. And I'm not moldy." He grabbed her arm and pushed her toward the ladder. Her flesh was ice cold. 

She tripped over the hem of her dress, before whirling away. "London Bridge is broken down." She reached the edge of the rooftop deck, trapped. "Dance over my lady's entrails. London Bridge is broken down with a bloody lady." 

He drew a bead directly between her eyes. "I will shoot."

She dipped her chin and smiled. "You mustn't forget or the real jackal will be ever so cross with us. Ever so cross. And Miss Edith won't have tea and cakes with you when we've become dust." She jumped over the edge of the roof.

Jack ran to her vacated spot, his pistol sights pointing to...nothing. There was nothing there. Not even a flash of pale blue evening gown or whatever the woman had been wearing. Jack scratched his head. It was like she was never there. Maybe he imagined the whole thing. Too much beer and brooding. He had to be making this shit up. Snake jackal and real jackal? He holstered his weapon and rubbed his face. He'd never compare Daniel's eyes to gum drops. 

There was one way to check. He reached for his cell phone. It wasn't there.

What in the hell was he going to tell the SGC?


End file.
